Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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