Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize