I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I wish I only lived at night.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The beer is more important than you right now.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
