Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
