But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
