6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
