Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
