the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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