I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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