I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
