TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You're like the curious george of whores
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
