apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Even my vagina gasped.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
