He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
