yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
