Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
