This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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