At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
