i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
