I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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