textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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