Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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