the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
