took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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