I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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