Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
