Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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