At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
