fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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