My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
