Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
