Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
