imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize