There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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