No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
