Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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