Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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