So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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