I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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