margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
