dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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