Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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