Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
