I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
