I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
vagina is talking i cant
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
