How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
