I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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