she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
