i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am naked and annoyed.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
