ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
