i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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