I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
