she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
