Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
