The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize