i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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