Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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