His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
