Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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