You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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