at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
