I feel like I'm in dance class right now
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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