Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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