If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
