someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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