I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
