no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize