my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Your penis caused this!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
