Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
