Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
They took my balls.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
