i just google imaged poop.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
