never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
